First of all, yes - if I have it my way - Chaun and I will get married ONE day. Although, not for reasons you might assume. I want to spend forever with Chaun and start a family together but I really don't believe I need a legal document to accomplish that. I want to be married because it's important to me to have the same last name as my babies. (God willing.) & this is a very recent discovery of mine. Prior to this realization I was contented with the idea of never being legally married.
I grew up in a broken home. Even when my parents were still married it never felt like a family. Things, people, time - it was all divided, all of the time. I cling to married couples like they're rare, precious gems filled with wonder. I take notes, seriously, married couples fascinate me. But it's not the marriage itself that is so intriguing...it's what happens when things go south. I study married couples trying to figure out if I can detect the "fatal flaw". Are they truly as committed today as they were the day the said "I do"? When does divorce become an option? At what point do you decide you've "had enough"? How do you know it's over? Beyond repair? Why the HELL did you just spend 15 years working it out only to call it quits now?!
I don't get it! Divorce is ludicrous to me. Marriage to me represents a legally binding commitment stating this person is now your life-long partner. Til death do us part means you've vowed to stand by this person for your entire life (& theirs), they're no different than family. Heck, the become your family! So how on earth can you decide to walk away from your family? I could never. And I get that I'm not alone when I think this, but somewhere along the way people change their minds. Society makes you think this is OK. If he cheats or you're not "in love". (I mean, if your life is threatened by all means get out!) But I'm talking your typical, every day, "7 year itch" kinda divorce. When someone asks you to marry them (or when you ask for someone to marry you) you've decided that this is your "forever" person. You can't change your mind. You have to work through it. Even when they cheat (a lot of people cheat, its a normal, crappy part of life. You gotta work through it!) Hardly anyone does that anymore. & my fear of divorce comes not from my inability to stay committed (I have been thru hell and back, I can get through just about anything.) No, it stems from my fear of abandonment and the slightest possibility that my partner may change his mind. (I think Chauns' loyalty may outweigh my own actually, but shit happens and society can make you believe anything.)
That's just one piece of it, my friends!! Lets talk, now, about weddings! A good friend and role model recently brought to my attention that a wedding and marriage are two completely different things. (I know what you're thinking, duh!) I didn't. Really. First of all, I never dreamed of my wedding as a little girl. I dreamed of being Mommy. I've been to 2 weddings my entire life. My moms when I was 5 and some random friend of a friend of a friend. That's it. And I don't have any close girlfriends planning their weddings (well, accept one but she's pretty down-to-earth normal). So when I think "wedding" all I have to go off of is HGTV and TLC and E! Oh, and Pinterest of course. It kinda goes like this in my head..
1. Been together 2.4 years, lets look at rings.
2. Proposal.
3. Spend 12 mos ripping your hair out, crying and spending thousands of dollars on stuff you won't remember in 30 years.
4. Spend twice that much on attorneys and court costs because you're not in love.
In my head, in order to be a "normal, committed family" you have to fall in love and get married and throw this huge, crazy expensive wedding.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE looking at engagement rings (& I want one!) but, uh, centerpieces? Sweetheart necklines? Save the date photo shoot? Personalized bridesmaid wine glasses? Chair covers? Seriously?? Why does anyone care about this crap?! And please, please tell me what any of that has to do with what you're celebrating?!
I told Chaun we can get married at the courthouse - and I meant it. Maybe in 15 years we can have a ceremony celebrating our commitment (which we now have proof of) and our family, but it won't change my life much if we don't. Heck, I'll have more money for future college funds ;)
Oh, and love is a choice people. You may fall in and out of love a dozen times in your relationship but its a choice to simply love. And when you make that choice and back it with vows (and a thirty thousand dollar price tag) you should stick to it! That means when your so-in-so hasn't made you swoon in 3 months and you want to punch them square in the face you have to choose to show them love and acceptance instead. Nobody is ever going to make you happy 99% of the time. Not your family, not your kids and certainly not your significant other. That's where God is giving you the opportunity to practice unconditional love! He's giving you a chance to be like Him! Take advantage! That's huge! Think about it, if people got along all the time would we show or even appreciate acceptance? You gotta take the good with the bad. It's part of the beauty that life is.
Marriage, to me, means forever. It's sacred and special and important. Choosing one person to spend the rest of your life with is a blessing from God! I truly feel like weddings and divorce are just one more thing pulling us away from Him. It makes me sad..and it makes it hard for me to join forces. I feel like by abandoning the desire to get married I'm sticking up for my beliefs. I can have a meaningful, committed relationship and a family without all the smoke and mirrors.
& I will never have to worry about centerpieces.
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