Whoever came up with the phrase "when you find the one, you just know" - didn't know shit. You don't.
With every guy I was with, I imagined a life with them. I planned out our future according to our current dreams and obsessions. And every time I was disappointed and let down.
I learned two things - I have unrealistic expectations, of myself - and of others.
& you don't know. When you find the one you have absolutely no clue what's about to hit you. You just like this person. Really, really like. And they make you want to be better, try harder, go further
but you don't just ....know.
I was blindsided by Chauns' existence in my life. One minute he was there, the next I was obsessed with this dude. I found myself being challenged to gain more and more insight into his inner-workings. I found those around me judging and criticizing me for liking him that much, that quickly.
I didn't care. or, I thought I didn't .. but, deep down I did.
I began to hide how I felt for Chaun. Locking my feelings for him in the safest place in my heart. Although the criticisms made me feel ashamed and foolish originally - what those feelings lead me to do taught me so much. I'm glad I kept it safe for awhile. I'm glad I was selfish and I didn't expose every single detail to every person that would listen.
It's now time to let them out again.
because now I'm sure. I'm sure that Chaun is who God wants me to be with right now. He makes me want to be the best I could possibly be - and I can't get enough of that. Instead of focusing incessantly on the imperfections of those around me - I can focus on me. That's the best feeling I've ever had.
& I'm thanking God I found it. ..and him. <3
